The Movies of 2014

Holy shit, remember when I had a blog? Me neither. Sorry for the radio silence – lots of Real Life(TM) nonsense went on on including moving, hustling, getting engaged, getting a full time job, Christmas in NJ, planning a goddamned wedding, the whole nine. I was reading on Facebook earlier about how disappointing the Oscar noms are and figured I could slap my thoughts about my faves of 2014 in here rather than blow up a Facebook status. Sound good? OK!

Those of you lucky souls who follow me on Instagram have probably noticed that between photos of booze and cats, I post a photo of every ticket stub for movies I see in the theatre. This is due to a couple of reasons – the constant deluge “of the now” realness that social media has enforced is slowly seeping into my brain, but it’s also utilitarian in a way; it allows me to keep track of the movies I see because I can’t remember anything that happened more than a week and a half ago. In short, I very much enjoyed in no particular order; Gone Girl, Top Five, Nightcrawler, The Gambler, Interstellar, The Judge, The Disappearance of Elanor Rigby Her/Him, The November Man, XMen Days of Future Past, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. I’ll elaborate a little more on some of these along with the flagrant disappointments of 2014 in a bit.

Best Achievement in Throwing a Goddamned Horse: The Rock in Hercules.
Most Eraserhead Realness Served in terms of Uncomfortable/Cold Feeling Homes: The Double.
Most Lewd Fun had in a Theatre: Filth.
Best Fun Sci-Fi Flick with a Female Character who shockingly wasn’t Made of Fucking Cardboard: Edge of Tomorrow.
Most Realistic Horrifying Gritty Violence: Blue Ruin.
Best Non-Ironic Nicolas Cage Performance: Joe.


  • Nightcrawler. Probably my favourite flick of 2014. This movie is written absurdly well, with Gyllenhaal as this bizarre misanthrope antihero with no real character arc and it STILL works. He’s an absolute fucking lunatic with LA as the co-star, and I couldn’t stop thinking about this movie once I saw it. It’s just a solid movie, a type that I didn’t think was made anymore. Truly enjoyable and tight.
  • The Disappearance of Elanor Rigby. This movie was originally intended to be two separate back to back experiences, one strictly from His POV and the other from Her POV. Thanks to the fucking Weinstein Company, we got some mangled slapdash ‘Them’ cut first before the original Her/Him versions were released in theatres here.. needless to say, this movie should be enjoyed in its original form. There’s so much depth to these characters and their experiences that the edited/combined version just misses the mark. The performances are fantastic and the story is heartbreaking, but ultimately satisfying, gripping, and real. These movies have stayed with me for months. James McAvoy and Jessica Chastain play really well off of one another, and I believe them existing as a couple.
  • Gone Girl. Jesus, this movie is fucking fantastic. I struggle to recall any movie that has ever improved upon the novel as source material; I enjoyed the hell out of Flynn’s book, and read it in about three days flat mostly on a flight back from Ireland in June. The casting of Ben Affleck opposite Rosamund Pike could not have been more perfect, and Fincher just makes this whole movie work. It’s sinister and upsetting, the dialogue and action are taut, and Reznor/Ross’ score is delightfully creepy. Plus.. it has an orange cat named Cheeto deftly playing the role of Nick and Amy’s cat. Aaaaand you see Affleck’s dick. Not bad!
  • Edge of Tomorrow. If you haven’t seen this movie, DO IT RIGHT NOW. It’s fantastic, it’s fun, it’s funny without being gimmicky, and the story is really great.
  • The November Man. Pierce Brosnan is always a delight, and I’m not just saying that because I grew up watching Remington Steele with my mom. It’s an action flick and is of course a little predictable, but still a totally fun experience that surprised me with how much I got into it. Brosnan’s still got it, and Cobra Commander from the fantastically awful GI Joe sequel plays opposite him so whatevs. Totally unexpected fun romp, complete with miscellaneously Eastern European villains.
  • Interstellar. Now, in case you haven’t noticed the inalienable truth, I’ll reiterate it here; the Nolans are not good writers. McConaughey does the heavy lifting and brings the relatable human touch to the Nolans’ otherwise typically sterile characters, and Hathaway manages to not be completely intolerable so there’s that. The robots steal the show, which says all you need to know about the Nolans. The movie is not flawfree, but the strange thing here is that I liked it more and more upon reading/thinking about it and a couple of additional viewings. This movie really grew on me. It’s also worth noting that the Hans Zimmer score is fucking MAGICAL.. I haven’t stopped listening to it.
  • Top Five. Chris Rock wrote and directed this movie, and it’s really, actually, funny with heart.
  • Joe. Every now and then, I am reminded that Nicolas Cage is an actor, and a great one at that. This movie is nuanced and stripped down, and he gives a hell of a performance. It was the first movie I wrote about on this blog, in fact!
  • Jersey Boys. Now, before you all think I have brain damage, this movie isn’t actually good; I know that. It’s camp and totally absurd, but it sure is fun. Sometimes I want a fun movie to take me out of reality for a couple of hours, and Jersey Boys is the movie for that. And I love the music! I feel the same way about the 2008’s Mamma Mia; it’s genuinely terrible, but still manages to be a hell of a lot of fun to watch.



  • God’s Pocket. I had some high hopes for this one, considering John Slattery directed it and Philip Seymour Hoffman headlined, but it was just another one of those forgettable “THIS IS MY NEIGHBOURHOOD AND YOU’LL NEVER BELONG BECAUSE YOU’RE DIFFERENT” steaming piles of nothing.
  • The Drop, another steaming pile of nothing, for a movie I hoped would be great. The late great James Gandolfini puts in a wonderful performance in this otherwise banal movie that I really cannot recall much about; it was just sort of.. there.
  • Birdman. Unpopular opinion, I know. Performances aside, this movie was a goddamned mess. I went into it with high expectations, had read so much positive critical acclaim, and it was just one of those blowhard Faux Arthaus shitpiles trying too hard to be edgy and artsy. Don’t even get me started on the fact that this movie’s “score” was nominated for a Golden Globe, a score that as far as I could tell had someone strap a drumstick and cymbal to a couple of dogs.
  • A Most Wanted Man. I couldn’t tell you a goddamned thing about this movie other than the fact that PSH had a German accent.
  • Snowpiercer. Eh. I enjoyed it while watching it, and then never thought about it again.



  • Inherent Vice. Holy shit what a letdown this was. Now, I am mostly hit or miss on Paul Thomas Anderson flicks because I think they’re lazily referred to as ‘character studies’ when they should really be categorised as ’roundabout messes’. I was genuinely hoping this would be another Boogie Nights (which is the only PTA movie I actually enjoy, come to think of it), but IV is inconsistent, rambling, and nonsensical. At least it wasn’t as horrendous as The Master, which gave me an actual migraine. The styling of everything in IV is great though, so at least there’s that. What an abject disappointment.
  • The Theory of Everything. This movie is not only awful, it is aggressively awful. It is infuriating. Hey, I’ve got a great idea! Let’s take Stephen Hawking’s story, strip it of any and all actual character, feeling, and science,  throw it into the Romantical Story(TM) garbage disposal with a love interest who manages to look constipated for the entire two hours she’s on the screen, and you get this fucking movie. Not really an actual spoiler, but that ending: where he’s next to his estranged wife and looks at their children frolicking around a fountain at fucking Buckingham Palace and has his computer say LOOK AT WHAT WE MADE I wanted to hurl my rocks glass at the wall.
  • Locke. What in the goddamned world was this movie? It just didn’t work for me. Everyone was shitting themselves over how wonderful and visionary it was, and all I could think was, did these people all have lobotomies? Dafuq?
  • Hercules. Aside from The Rock throwing the aforementioned horse, this movie was a mess AND it was boring. There’s nothing worse than an action movie that’s incredibly dull. How in the fresh hell does that even happen? It’s the worst combination.
  • Noah. Speaking of boring, THIS fucking movie. Granted, I would never have seen it had Nick not wanted to, but HOLY FUCKING HELL IT WAS BORING. Mind-numbingly awful. And one of the characters was named Ham, so I kept thinking about ham. That’s really all you need to know.


SO, that’s about all I have to say about 2014 movies. And hey, Mad Men is back on April 5th, so look forward to more content on here in the near future. Rock n’roll.

Movies that Rule: Filth


 yes, please. image courtesy of Shockya

Man, what a fucking movie this was. As soon as I saw a trailer for it a few months back, I knew I needed to see it — and I did just that this afternoon at the Sunset Sundance cinemas. Irvine Welsh is perhaps best known for penning Trainspotting, so I figured Filth would be profanely bizarre and hysterical, and it did not disappoint. This movie is brimming with joyful depravity and ludicrous amounts of high-octane language and sex, with the glorious backdrop of Scotland and near-unintelligible accents.

By the way, these are the IMDB keywords for FilthMurder | Phone Sex | Corrupt Cop | Fellatio | Raised Middle Finger


I feel like I’ve had a James McAvoy mini marathon as of late, watching X-Men First Class on Blu-Ray and seeing X-Men Days of Future Past last week. Real talk: this guy rules. I first saw McAvoy on Channel 4’s Shameless on one visit to the UK in 2005 or so, and I was hooked. Then Wanted hit theatres in 2008, and though that movie isn’t anything stellar, it’s super fucking entertaining and over the top ridiculous. 2009’s The Last Station was playing at like.. 2 theatres in the US, and I happened to see it at the Angelika Film Center in Manhattan on a bitterly cold day. Last year, Trance came to cinemas and I was pretty much blown away. If you haven’t seen it yet, do it right the hell now; it’s a fun flick with a great premise. McAvoy is sublime and Filth is no exception; he puts on a hypnotic performance, really making you feel for his demented-ass character.

In the trailer, Filth comes off as a debaucherous adventure of obscene proportions. While that’s definitely true, the movie takes some truly dark turns and it actually manages to have a heart, which is refreshing. Some scenes are legitimately off-putting in the best way possible. McAvoy plays corrupt drug-fuelled detective Bruce Robertson, who will stop at nothing to get a promotion that he wants. He bangs around and plays mindgames, does a batshit amount of drugs, drinks like a bum, and is generally a complete fucking maniac mess. He’s into autoerotic asphyxiation with his colleague’s wife. He outs his colleague’s babydick status with a cock-photocopying “game” at the Police Christmas party. He consistently tries to out one of his colleagues as a possible homosexual in the rudest ways possible. His prank calls to his best friend’s wife Bunty are nothing short of monumental; they’re closely tied with Kathleen Turner’s Serial Mom prank calls in terms of absurdity and top-notch salaciousness. And obvi, he bangs her in her tacky jungle-themed living room while framing his best friend/her husband as the pervy prank caller.

Robertson is slowly losing his goddamned mind and we’re all along for the ride. His wife (with daughter in tow) left him, most likely because he’s a legit crazy person, and he’s dealing with that trauma in the most fucked out ways imaginable. His taunting shrink appears to be a Kubrick/Gilliam/Lynch/Cronenberg orgy creation, portrayed by the always delightful Jim Broadbent. Robertson hallucinates horrifying farm animals along with his tragically dead little brother, and is heavily medicated as a result. He’s dealing with a lot of dark shit in probably the worst ways possible, but it’s wholeheartedly enrapturing to watch. He receives praise and kindness from a woman (and her son) because he valiantly tried to save her husband from dying when everyone else just stood around like dead-eyed cows; Robertson has no idea how to receive her positivity and gratitude and genuinely struggles with it.

Filth appears to be on super limited release in the US; though it was released in the UK and Ireland last October, it was just released here on May 30th. Even then, I was only able to find it in one theatre in the LA area which is sort of shocking because it’s fucking Los Angeles. But hey, it’s available on VOD. Go check it out! Seriously. Don’t argue with me, just go!